I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I’m dying
are the best I ever had.
I find it hard to tell you
’cause I find it hard to take.
When people run in circles
it’s a very, very
a mad world.
–Mad World, lyrics by Tears for Fears
So I had this dream the other night…
I was driving my car, the moon roof open (I couldn’t shut it, though I tried) to this town I had to go back to….a desolate place, where everything was dark, black, or shades of gray. The houses, the buildings were partially in ruins, yet still standing…waiting. A profound sense of emptiness loomed, entered the space of my car, an emptiness of silence, loss, desolation, isolation, desperation.
I stopped the car in the middle of the street, no worries about blocking traffic, there was none. My cousin Chris with the darkest long black hair got out of the car too. She held out this piece of saffron silk and said, I’m going to check out the store, see if she can do anything with this.
Is that from the bridesmaid’s dresses? I asked. She nodded, said to meet her at her apartment and disappeared into the thick of things. I felt alone. I drove on to what was left of her apartment building. What had happened here? Why is everything so dark, so gray? I realized that the entire place had somehow been robbed of all its color, like a color photograph changed to black and white, a thing I can do with my computer. Had someone changed this town, this world to black and white?
Her apartment was intact, mostly, except for part of the roof, which let in the non-illuminating light from the dim sky. I checked her refrigerator. Everything was cold, but no light went on. I climbed up the spiral iron stairs that let to the loft space where a bed was. (Mind you, this is not my cousin’s place…totally new to me…I’m not sure how my mind even created it). While I’m up there a large white dog comes into the apartment’s living room below. He looks up at me and starts climbing the stairs. What to do? A strange large dog coming my way, so I wait. He looks like a shaggy German Shepherd, perhaps a husky mix. What is so incredible is how large he is; our faces are level with each other when he sits down and I’m five foot eight inches tall. I let him sniff my hand, like I’d do with any strange dog and he seems to smile at me. I ruff his furry neck, my hands disappear in his thick hair. I love this dog. He seems to illuminate, glow in front of me. I woke up after that.
What does is all mean? So I look in my sister-in-law’s dream interpretation book and find some info. Driving a car in dreams represents one’s independence, self-confidence, responsible for life’s decisions. Driving alone may mean feelings of being alone. The stairs; taking steps toward something, going up in life (or down if going down stairs), an opening or widening of awareness to include areas of experience usually avoided. The spiral stairs, going a round-about way. The Dog–dogs are expressions of aspects of ourselves, aggression, sexuality, friendship. A dog is pegged as man’s best friend. A dog in dreams can mean devotion to someone or something. In mythology, a dog in this light may represent an inner sense of knowing how to find transformation through the death of some aspect of ourselves.
Yes….it all makes sense to me now….