The malapropisms of Yogi Berra…

Baseball fan I don’t claim to be…I won’t even try, though I’ve enjoyed a game or two in my time…

In need of a laugh (and while perusing Alphabet Juice by Roy Blount Jr.) I open to the word “malapropism” which isn’t really defined but can be rendered as a “wit-icism” quite naturally…or not…  It is essentially an incorrect word used in place of a word, resulting in an utterance that makes no sense (yet does) in a humorous way. Thanks Wikipedia…

Yogi Berra, of baseball fame, is listed in Blount’s book as a classic candidate for having perfected the art of creating malapropisms…

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

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Life is hard…

hepburn skateboarding

Life is hard. After all it kills you. ~ Katharine Hepburn

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A brain is a brain is a brain…

Brain Facts:

Your brain recognizes your touch…You cannot tickle yourself. (So tell me, has anyone tried? )

dreamDreaming requires more brain activity than any waking function…

You have an average of 70,ooo thoughts per day… (No wonder my thoughts drive me crazy. How do you delete this function? I think I could get by with only 10,000)

Your brain generates 10-23 watts of electricity.  (My brain could light up a closet, or the refrigerator. Good to know.)

Sherlock annoyedYou use your entire brain, not just 10% as is often rumored. (Don’t tell Sherlock this – he thinks he’s the only one using his whole brain.)

Your brain can’t feel pain.
Screwed up nerves + fucked up muscles in your head = a headache

Stress alters brain cells and function. (We are all screwed.)

Music increases brain organization. (I hear Mozart is the best, but will Nine Inch Nails do?)

The amygdala in your brain lets you read facial cues. (I can’t tell what your thinking by looking at you, my amygdala is on vacation…)

Your brain needs 20% of your blood and oxygen to function. (Needy little bugger, isn’t it?)

There are 100,000 miles, yes MILES!, of blood vessels in your brain.

Pamela Hanson1996A brain chemical called oxytocin makes you feel love. (When activated, boy do we feel great!)